Sime~Gen Roleplaying on IRC: Snake River Dam Scenario
Episode #31: The Tecton Will Provide (8/26/00)
Nick brings Arat a steaming cup of "special" Tecton #3.
Nick: Here, Arat. You'd better drink this.
Nick can't keep a slight note of ~ apology ~ out of his nager.
Arat accepts the cup wordlessly.
Nick knows better than most how impossible it is to rein in Snake, but feels he should somehow have managed to do it anyway.
Nick: The supply's getting low again.
Nick says this as neutrally as he can, that being least stressful on Arat.
Arat scowls.
Arat has been in a terrible mood ever since his transfer.
Nick is well acquainted with the signs of Farris/Audnes temper.
Arat: Jeniard reports that the dated-inserts method of updating the renSime listings seems to be working. [in an attempt to change the subject]
Arat has been taking out his fury and frustration with Snake, Mr. Birch, etc. by attacking the renSime problem with an obsessiveness rarely seen in any but... well... frustrated Farrises.
Nick brings a cup of his Narosian blend over and sits beside Arat, in an attempt to make the daily Xylexion dose appear more like a normal tea break.
Nick: That's good.
Nick, being 75% people-oriented to the extreme, is not as easily diverted by work-related problems as the average Farris.
Arat takes a sip and puts the tea cup down so he can write some more.
Nick looks at the adulterated tea for a long moment.
Nick: There's one thing that this [gestures towards the cup] has done.
Arat's pen stills.
Arat looks at Nick.
Nick: It's set me free of her.
Nick: I saw her yesterday, and it was just like meeting a stranger. One I didn't particularly care to know.
Nick: What was between us--it's gone now.
Arat studies Nick, trying to figure out how Nick feels about that.
Nick buries his face in his hands.
Arat picks up his tea and sips it again, mostly because he is not paying attention to what he is doing.
Arat has recently become a lot more aware of his personal gestures and visual appearance, since Mr. Birch started making such a huge deal of it and sending people over to "help" with the "problem".
Arat however is more concerned about Nick than Mr. Birch at the moment.
Nick is mourning the loss of what had been the center of his life for several years, but is undeniably no longer distracted from putting Arat first by his long-running dependency on Snake.
Nick could have been rid of his mild Snake-dependency a long time ago, if he'd wanted to, of course, but previously, he didn't.
Arat: Your future will be more clear, if you can concentrate upon your professional commitments.
Arat hasn't precisely used this as his motto throughout his life, but he may as well have.
Nick isn't looking for professional commitments, at the moment, he's looking for a replacement personal commitment.
Nick finds being without that sort of personal relationship very ~~ lonely ~~ indeed.
Arat: The Tecton will provide for you.
Nick: I suppose so.
Nick had hoped that Arat would be willing to offer something a bit more personal.
Nick ought to know better, by now, but he has a strong genetic predisposition to cling to people.
Arat zlins Nick's loneliness. He understands that it is because of the loss of Snake as a friend, but he does not perceive that it is directed at him at all. People do not feel lonely for Arat.
Arat can tell that his words did not have the desired effect, though.
Arat tries again.
Arat: Nick, you will find friends among those you live and work with.
Arat: It may take some time.
Arat's observations in this area were performed mostly from a distance.
Arat: I understand that it will be difficult to replace someone you shared so many important experiences with, but time will help.
Nick notes that Arat's phrasing does not lend itself to the conclusion that Arat himself desires to be one of those friends.
Arat is beginning to find Nick's loneliness genuinely painful, though not for nageric reasons.
Nick: ...I see.
Arat can tell that this last attempt was even less successful than the first.
Nick looks away, and steadies himself so as not to distress Arat any more than he already has.
Arat tries to think of what else he can say, or do, for Nick.
Nick can't blame Arat, after all, for being wary about anything or anyone associated with Snake.
Arat of course will be totally hosed if Nick becomes chronically depressed over the loss of his former channel.
Arat senses Nick's withdrawal and frowns to himself.
Nick: I understand, of course. I should have been able to prevent this.
Nick has been blaming himself quite mercilessly ever since he discovered what Snake had done.
Nick reaches for his own cup of tea and wraps his hands around it for comfort.
Nick: I wish you'd known Snake back in Bender Cove.
Nick: She was full of idealism, then: determined to make life better for the people she'd grown up with.
Arat: There were notes of it in her file.
Arat in fact based his assignment of her here upon the contents of that file, and correspondence with various officials on Snake's backtrail.
Arat has never had so risky an assignment fail so spectacularly before.
Arat's recent depression and surliness has at least as much to do with fear of losing his ability as a Controller as it has to do with what Snake had done.
Nick: Notes can't describe everything. Nothing daunted her: not the conditions under which she worked, the lack of supplies, the fact that she fully expected to be dead within a few months...
Nick: She was determined to make her life mean something.
Arat has been getting nothing but complaints about his efforts since arriving here, with no positive feedback aside from his own self-belief. And that has been suffering lately, as the result of so many examples of recent failures.
Arat: An enviable trait.
Arat puts the empty tea cup aside and shuffles the somewhat stained, mud-spattered pile of field reports.
Arat wishes he knew what to say to Nick.
Nick: That she could feel that way, under those circumstances--she was a channel who could inspire anyone to follow her anywhere, just because she thought the trip was possible.
Nick: And then something happened, I never did find out what, and she fled Bender Cove.
Arat studies Nick.
Nick: She told me, later on, that the channel I loved died then, but I refused to believe it.
Nick: Now... well, the Snake I loved would never have done something like this without a better reason than mere spite.
Arat is somewhat surprised by Nick's use of the word "loved".
Arat frowns to himself once again.
Nick is, perhaps, seeing the past through rose-tinted hindsight. Or perhaps he was less adept at discovering Snake's less savory activities in those days.
Arat: You think she did this out of spite?
Arat of course had an entirely different perspective on it; he'd interpreted it as a lashing out against him as a power figure and a father figure, an attempt to deal with Snake's own feelings of insecurity.
Arat wonders if he erred in assuming himself the central reason; perhaps she intended to spite Nick, by destroying that which divided Nick's attentions?
Nick: I don't know. She's done....
Nick hesitates, out of long habit, and rephrases.
Nick: She's done things that were extreme before, but only against people who were an immediate danger to her.
Nick: It was never as punishment for past actions.
Nick: For that, she confined herself to pranks that were more humiliating than dangerous.
Nick is operating under the twin handicaps of having been sheltered from actions Snake knew he would disapprove of, and of having a Donor's inability to perceive a compatible channel as a threat.
Arat: I had... assumed it was because she felt insecure.
Arat feels somewhat embarrassed about intruding on what Nick apparently felt as his own personal domain: Snake's motivations.
Arat: About me.
Arat does not have a lot of deep personal conversations.
Arat in fact prefers to avoid them; they make him extremely uncomfortable and generally don't solve any problems.
Arat has the luxury of this opinion mainly because he doesn't have enough friends that he regularly encounters problems that can only be solved by personal conversations.
Nick: She is. But that should have improved here, where she is so much more comfortable.
Arat has no answer to that. He had gambled on that, and failed.
Nick: I should have noticed that it hadn't.
Arat had also taken a gamble when he chose to come here himself, and that was, while not as obvious a failure to others' eyes, probably twice as large in his own.
Nick: I should have prevented this.
Nick thinks that if he hadn't failed to protect Arat, Arat might have been willing to replace Snake as his channel.
Arat sighs and rubs his eyes with the tentacles of one hand. The antihistamines have not quite worn off from the most recent construction meeting, so they are dry and sore.
Arat: I did not expect you to control her behavior.
Arat had not thought Nick capable of it, to be honest.
Nick can see the vote of no-confidence in Arat's expression.
Nick winces at this confirmation of his own self-assessment.
Nick's self-confidence level has not been outstanding, lately.
Arat finds that Nick's morale and mood are plummeting even farther.
Nick: I used to think that she valued my good opinion.
Arat now thinks that the best solution will be to keep his mouth completely shut.
Arat should not have responded in the first place.
Nick used to think that Arat valued him as well, but is much less sure of that after this conversation..
Arat had been thoroughly depressed even before this conversation started.
Arat does not know what to say to Nick about his past and present relationship with Snake. This was something neither of them discussed with Arat in great detail, and indeed never seemed to crop up in Tecton settings unless there was a conflict.
Arat: All I can recommend is that you focus on what is legal, and appropriate, and has a good future, in your life.
Arat: That is what I would do in your place.
Arat has been doing that all his life. Except for certain extremely brief and regrettable moments of insanity.
Return to the Index of Episodes