Sime~Gen Roleplaying: District Controller's Office Scenario
Episode #107: Bubbly (11/28/99)
Homer stands in the corridor, looking once more at the message ordering him to the Controller's office.
Homer takes several deep breaths, calming his trembling.
Homer doesn't understand quite what it is that Arat does to reduce him to a squashed cactus every time they meet.
Homer remembers the Controller thundering at him: "I am Arat Farris, Controller of this District. By definition, the choice for all under me is ultimately mine."
Homer knows that, in the context of his own beliefs, the statement is utter blasphemy, rather like saying "I am Lucifer, Lord of the Damned. Kneels before me, mortal, and weep" to a medieval Christian.
Homer wonders if Controller Arat will deign to explain it, as Homer has requested. The Controller certainly feels no hesitation about demanding explanations from other people.
Homer realizes there is something familiar about the feelings of terror and defiance the Controller inspires.
Homer realizes that in fact, Arat reminds him of his father.
Homer thinks that arrogance and rage are very familiar indeed.
Homer reminds himself that of course Arat shields his nager so his true feelings are unzlinnable, but of course as a child he was not able to zlin his father either.
Homer thinks the fact that Arat is significantly taller than him also contributes to the vivid correspondence to childhood memories.
Homer wonders if it can be a coincidence that a Tecton channel would act so like his father.
Homer considers everything that happens has a meaning.
Homer wonders if his father's ancestral spirit could have returned to possess this channel.
Homer doesn't think his father would much like having anything to do with the Tecton, but then he always took special delight in stealing from his enemies and appropriating everything they owned of any value.
Homer mutters a protective charm under his breath.
Homer: (whispers) My soul soars in the heavens and my body can only die once.
Homer calms himself.
Homer signals at the Controller's office door.
Jeniard looks up from where he had been giving Arat a much needed shoulder rub.
Arat: It's him.
Arat doesn't need to say, 'late of course'.
Jeniard straightens his uniform and goes to open the door for Homer.
Jeniard: Hello.
Homer greets Jeniard.
Homer has learned enough not to enter the office without being asked.
Jeniard stands aside so Homer can enter.
Homer enters, preserving the calm detachment induced by his charm and meditation.
Arat: Hajene Homer.
Homer politely greets the Controller.
Arat indicates that Homer should take a seat.
Homer sits.
Arat appears to be having a stressful day.
Arat: I have read the report you submitted, regarding your interaction with Sosu Leta. 2
Homer holds himself in a state in which he feels little or no emotions but is exquisitely sensitive to everything in his surroundings.
Arat has it on the desk in front of him, in fact.
Homer knows that he will not be able to zlin Arat's reactions, so remains alert to expression, voice tones and scent.
Homer nods politely.
Arat had managed to wade through the voluminous irrelevant wordage and ignore its patently manipulative intent, to glean what would seem to be the kernel of the problem.
Arat's in depth discussions with Leta and the other research he has conducted seem to support what Homer has said.
Arat: Have you anything else to add, before I begin?
Homer picks up on the scent of Arat's stress and the irritable expression.
Homer: No, sir.
Arat: Very well.
Arat: When I was informed of your being posted here, I did some research on the training you would have received, above and beyond investigating your paper record.
Arat: Everything I have seen has indicated that you would have received two years of study of our culture and beliefs, as part of your standard training.
Arat: However, it becomes increasingly evident that you did not receive all, if any, of that training.
Homer listens attentively.
Arat: The course of work I had originally laid out for you is therefore unworkable and must be significantly altered.
Arat has already written a scathing letter to this effect and had it CC'd to various personages who he feels were responsible - for both Homer's ignorance and for Arat's not being warned about it.
Arat felt somewhat better after the letter.
Arat has yet to take Homer's counselors, Donor, trainers and coworkers to task for not picking up on this sooner.
Arat carefully prevents his tentacles from lashing about in remembered fury, and instead continues in the same even tone.
Arat: According to your report, you did not understand what the assignment paperwork you were given represented, and instead thought Sosu Leta was approaching you on a random and personal basis.
Homer closely observes Arat, a trace of awe and horror coloring his previously calm nager.
Arat: You have also demonstrated a complete lack of understanding of the nature of a Donor's relationship to the Tecton, or the honor and accomplishment which a Donor feels.
Arat: It is not possible for a channel to work under such a burden of ignorance and be productive; any attempt to do so is also destructive to those surrounding him.
Arat: Therefore I feel it necessary to expand the scale of your retraining to include a teaching of our culture and beliefs, so that you may correctly interpret the motives and desires of those around you.
Homer would sincerely appreciate the services of anyone who can explain this crazy world he has been thrust into in a manner that makes sense.
Homer has spent the time in his room penning frantic letters to the retired Controller Pierce and his aunt Thistle, asking for advice.
Arat zlins Homer critically, and then picks up a new schedule and hands it over.
Homer thinks of course writing the report Arat wanted took about 30 hours.
Homer thinks that if he is going to have to do so much writing he could use a literacy brush-up as well.
Homer takes the schedule.
Arat: Also, I have chosen your next transfer assignment. However, I feel it will be necessary to explain what your relationship to her shall be, since you will spend time with her before your retraining has been in depth.
Homer nods.
Arat picks up the transfer assignment card, but does not hand it over quite yet.
Arat: Sosu Lemuse is one of my best Seconds.
Arat: I pulled her out of another District by special request and have been very impressed by her handling of channels in rehabilitation.
Arat: Her joy in life is to help and serve a variety of channels, just as you are fulfilled and gladdened by helping injured children in the wards.
Homer is relieved that he will be given another opportunity for Gen transfer.
Arat: Although she will have read up on your culture and beliefs, she cannot share them. Therefore, she will be hurt if you think less of her for her own culture and beliefs.
Arat: Just as Sosu Leta was.
Homer: I esteem Sosu Leta and would never wish to hurt her.
Arat: When you have learned more of our culture, you will see how it occurred, and will know more about how to avoid doing so in the future.
Jeniard, who had seated himself near Arat after letting Homer in, has been subtly working to soothe the Controller, with some success.
Homer nods. He sincerely wants to please his Donors and is willing to cooperate in any way to make them happy with his company.
Arat: In brief, however, it is important to remember that the implication that serving more than one channel is unclean is an implication of whoredom, which is painful to most.
Homer is confused. This is not what he said in his report.
Homer wonders whether it would be impolite to correct the Controller or if he would be better off just keeping his mouth shut.
Homer scans Arat again to see just how irritable he appears.
Arat appears to be struggling for patience, but this is not an unusual mode for him.
Homer zlins Jeniard's efforts to soothe Arat.
Homer decides to go for it.
Homer: Excuse me, sir. The issue is not whether the Donor serves more than one channel, but whether the Donor serves by choice.
Arat: The warning is the same.
Arat: You falsely presumed she did not serve you by choice, and in doing so relegated her to the status of a whore.
Homer: If I was in error, I apologize.
Arat: As you know, your beliefs do not match ours. It is a mistake to judge others' behavior by your own cultural beliefs, if you wish to accurately understand their motives.
Arat is not unaware of the opening left for a charge of hypocrisy.
Arat however has done a good deal of research, so far as is possible, into Homer's possible point of view, whereas the opposite is clearly not the case.
Arat also generally is just insufferably arrogant and self-confident.
Homer: My pledge forbids me to take Gens who do not chose. As you say, I am not easily able to interpret the words and motives of the people here. I am willing to learn more.
Arat nods.
Arat: Very well.
Arat hands Homer the assignment card; it lists a Second Order Donor by the name of Sosu Lemuse.
Homer studies the card curiously.
Homer looks again at the schedule.
Jeniard surreptitiously places a hand on Arat's wrist while Homer is occupied.
Arat casts an unreadable - or perhaps readable only by someone who's known him for 17 years - glance at him.
Homer observes Jeniard's interaction with Arat.
Homer sees an imposing and irritated channel, but not the towering pillar of rage that so unnerved him at their last meeting.
Jeniard knows it's hard for Arat to deal with the humiliation of a setback this severe in what should have been a simple rehabilitation case, particularly since it might have been headed off if Arat had set aside more of his time to handle it personally... despite his other duties as District Controller.
Homer thinks maybe he was mistaken about the possession, or maybe the spirit only took charge for a few moments.
Jeniard removes his hand.
Homer thinks maybe even this cultural enrichment course will provide some benign explanation for the Controller's blasphemous words at their last encounter.
see note 1
Lemuse signals at Homer's dorm room door.
Homer is sitting on the floor, engaged in meditation.
Lemuse is a 25 natal years female Gen with a permanently cheerful disposition and an amazing ability to stay in a Controller's good books.
Lemuse has what some would call an irritatingly positive outlook on life, although those people who aren't eternal pessimists and whiners find her quite pleasant to be around.
Homer has felt the need for extra spiritual reinforcement, so he has traced a pattern, in gray and yellow sand, on the dorm room floor to focus his concentration.
Lemuse waits patiently; if he does not answer, she will come back another time.
Homer is float in a pleasantly detached state when he hears the signal.
Homer orients himself to the real world and belatedly signals back.
Homer stands up, dusting himself off. For some reason the people in Capitol don't like to sit on the floor.
Lemuse opens the door cautiously and pokes her head in.
Lemuse: Hajene Homer?
Lemuse sees him and smiles.
Lemuse opens the door further.
Lemuse: Hi, I'm Sosu Lemuse.
Homer sees and zlins Lemuse.
Lemuse: ~~ gentle and affectionate by nature ~~
Homer: [stiffly] Ah, come in, Sosu.
Lemuse comes in, letting the door close softly behind her.
Homer quickly draws up a chair.
Homer: Please sit down.
Homer: May I get you some tea?
Lemuse: Why thank you.
Lemuse smiles again, taking a seat.
Lemuse looks at the design on the floor.
Lemuse is ~ curious ~ but doesn't mention it.
Lemuse: How are you feeling?
Lemuse: Hajene Undertow didn't scare the willies out of you, did he?
Homer: Homer goes to get the teapot.
Lemuse uses the term for Arat that is not used to his face.
Homer: What??
Lemuse grins.
Lemuse: The big meeting. It went OK?
Homer carefully places the teapot on the gas heater.
Homer: You mean with Controller Arat?
Lemuse: The one and only!
Homer looks and zlins around the room quickly for eavesdroppers.
Lemuse gets up and goes nearer to Homer, her nager ~~ friendly and supportive and genuine ~~
Homer remembers that everything he says to his Donor will probably be reported.
Homer: It went well, I guess. I am still alive.
Lemuse can be reasonably sure that Arat did scare the willies out of Homer... anything else would be terribly uncharacteristic of the Controller.
Lemuse: That's the spirit! [laughs]
Homer: He wasn't as angry as last time.
Homer measures out the tea.
Lemuse: That's great.
Homer chooses the Narosian blend that Darrel introduced him to.
Homer: And you are here.
Homer smiles timidly at Lemuse.
Lemuse's nager offers him some more open ~~ support ~~.
Lemuse: It's an honor to be assigned to you, you know.
Lemuse: I didn't think I was going to get this lucky until next month.
Lemuse really talks like this... isn't it amazing?
Homer politely zlins Lemuse to see if she is serious or pulling his leg.
Lemuse: I mean, the chance to show somebody all the things I love most about Capitol, and about working here... most people have seen it all and they think I'm being overly enthusiastic about life.
Lemuse appears to be perfectly serious, in a fun, light-hearted, dedicated-to-being-a-nice-person sort of way.
Lemuse: You will stop me if I start acting too cheerful, won't you?
Lemuse is joking now.
Homer: It is an honor to be assigned to a stranger who is on disciplinary action?
Lemuse: Oh, you're being way too hard on yourself, Homer.
Lemuse: Honestly!
Homer: Well, I am glad you think so.
Lemuse: Where's your self-esteem? Well, you and I can work on finding that. Trust me, you're not in anywhere near as deep a hole as some people might make it out to be.
Homer tentatively lets himself settle into her ~~ support ~~
Homer: I had self-esteem but the world seem intent on correcting me of that foolishness.
Lemuse: Oh, Homer.
Lemuse's nager seems intent upon buoying Homer up on a bubble of optimism.
Lemuse: The whole world is against you? That can't be.
Homer is getting giddy. The Gens back home never provided this kind of support.
Lemuse: I'll bet you I can name five places on earth that think you're the cat's pajamas.
Homer: Do cats wear pajamas?
Lemuse giggles.
Lemuse: ~~ gentle warmth and supportive encouragement ~~
Homer floats in the ambient like a leaf on the surface of a bubbling brook.
Homer had something to say but he can't remember what it was.
Lemuse: Well, that think you're the best thing since ronaplin inhibitor, then.
Homer: (mumbles) Ronaplin inhibitor?
Lemuse watches carefully to make sure she's not overdoing it.. the poor guy has been to see Arat recently, after all, and that will take it out of the most stiff-spined channels.
Lemuse backs off slightly.
Lemuse: Never mind. [grins]
Lemuse: Trust me, the more you look around you, the more you'll find people think you're great!
Lemuse: You're do fine, you'll see. [promises]
Lemuse: What kind of tea is that? It smells nice.
Lemuse has a tendency to like nearly anything that involves eating or drinking, so it's fortunate that the tea in this case is something special.
Homer pours the tea.
Homer: It's called "Dark Passion."
Lemuse: Gosh!
Lemuse: Sounds fancy.
Homer: Hajene Darrel showed me where to get it.
Lemuse: He's a nice channel, don't you think?
Lemuse is clearly ~~ fond ~~ of Darrel.
Homer hands Lemuse her cup of tea carefully.
Lemuse: I was assigned to him when he first came here. He was scared of his own shadow!
Homer: Yes, he is a very gentle person.
Lemuse: I'm so glad he's been able to be happy here.
Homer: But as you say, he seems anxious.
Lemuse: Oh, he's much better than he was, I can assure you.
Lemuse: The stability of a large Center suits him.
Homer: I am glad to hear that.
Lemuse: We'll be working with him some when you begin in the burn ward.
Homer: I look forward to that.
Homer: He told me about the burn ward.
Lemuse is glad there is something to look forward to in the change, since Ormof isn't anywhere near as good a boss as Hajene Tiarala, who Homer had in the general pediatrics ward.
Lemuse wouldn't dream of putting any worries in Homer's head about that, though.
Homer: He said the children there are very badly damaged.
Homer: It makes me sad to see so many hurt people.
Lemuse: They're brought from all over the Territory because of the specialists here.
Homer: And this is a very big Territory.
Lemuse: Fortunately, the specialists have been pulled in from all over the Territory as well. You'll be amazed at their skill, once you've met some of them.
Lemuse is clearly inspired by the thought of their coworkers.
Lemuse would be, though.
Homer: Yes, the healers here can do wonders.
Homer: I have been watching, in the pediatrics ward.
Lemuse: That's great! I'm glad you've had time to observe some.
Homer: It is difficult because there are so many patients.
Homer: In a month in Arizz we would not get so many cases as we do in one day here.
Lemuse: Wouldn't it be great if all our work actually prevented people from getting hurt in the future? ~~ sympathetic ~~
Homer: How could that be?
Lemuse: Magic I guess. [laughs]
Lemuse: So any chance I could talk you into eating a little lunch?
Homer has been told by his counselors that eating is required.
Lemuse: ~ hopeful/wistful ~
Homer does not feel particularly hungry after his unpleasant transfer, but he wants to please Sosu Lemuse.
Homer: Of course, Sosu.
Lemuse: Would you rather go out, or have it here in private?
Homer looks down at the scuffed remains of the sand pattern on the floor.
Homer: Oh, lets go out.
Lemuse: OK.
Lemuse: The cafeteria here is great, isn't it?
Homer thinks he should have found some way to get rid of the sand pattern by scuffing it out, but he doesn't want to draw Lemuse's attention to another (probably forbidden) traditional Canyon Clan practice.
Homer hopes he can erase the picture before anyone else sees it.
Homer: It is fine.
Homer opens the door for Lemuse.
Lemuse wouldn't dream of mentioning that nobody who is a mid-level First or higher is ever seen in that cafeteria, suggesting that nobody with tastebuds will eat there if they don't have to.
Lemuse: Thank you. [smiles]
Lemuse precedes him out the door.
Homer follows Lemuse, marveling again at what her nager is doing to him.
Homer thinks that back home they don't believe in coddling Simes this way.
Lemuse: You know, I heard that you're tutoring with Hajene Illis. That's great. It's nice to have a friend that high up. Have you met her yet, or is that later today?
Homer thinks this is one aspect of life in the big city he learn to get used to.
Lemuse has seen a list of what Homer's new schedule would consist of, but not the actual schedule yet.
Homer: No, I have not met her. What is she like?
Lemuse: Oh, she's really nice.
Homer is rather encouraged by Lemuse's penchant for gossip. That practice is very popular back home too.
Lemuse: Not bitter at all, which says something about her personality.
Homer: Why should she be bitter?
Lemuse: You don't know? Gosh, listen to me gossip.
Lemuse: Well, she and Jeniard were engaged to be married about two years ago. Didn't happen, though.
Lemuse: They're still OK friends.
Homer: Hajene Jeniard is Controller Arat's assistant?
Lemuse leaves out a lot of the more interesting details, like exactly why it didn't happen... which should become obvious enough as Homer gets to know the people involved a bit better.
Lemuse: Yep!
Homer: He was there today when I met with the Controller.
Lemuse: Oh, that's good.
Lemuse: You always want that to happen.
Lemuse: Him, or Alea, or of course Nick, but he's gone now.
Homer: Yes. I think the meeting would have been much worse if Hajene Jeniard had not been there to curb the Controller's anger.
Homer: Do you know why he is so angry?
Lemuse: Arat really is an excellent Controller. I think he's the best one I've had so far. But, well, everybody gets frustrated at times, and he's only human.
Lemuse is not a good person to ask about this sort of thing, as she has a highly developed ass-covering reflex, part of why she never seems to be in trouble.
Homer shakes his head.
Homer: Every time I have seen him, he has been angry.
Lemuse: Well, some people are frustrated all the time. [laughs]
Lemuse: It doesn't necessarily mean anything bad about you, though.
Lemuse: As long as you keep your nose clean and don't speak out of turn, he'll be reasonably charitable.
Lemuse says it in such a way that it sounds kind, rather than critical of her Controller.
Lemuse in fact is bending over backward to avoid spelling out that Arat is a raging control freak with such intense personal and political problems that his life is a constant torment and that at any moment he might shatter into a million pieces, wounding anybody who happens to be nearby. After all, it hasn't happened in quite a while.
Lemuse grins.
Lemuse: I see you've already found the shortcut to the cafeteria.
Lemuse: ~~ approval ~~
Homer looks around at the selections.
Lemuse finds herself whisked all the way in, and thinks Homer must have been hungrier than he admitted.
Lemuse wisely remains silent while starting to fill her own tray.
Homer looks for something that is not overcooked or wilted.
Homer does not recognize many of the selections.
Lemuse selects the "tofu burrito", which is more familiarly and humorously known as the "lump in a rug".
Homer decides to play it safe, again, and snags an apple.
Lemuse adds a plate of cut vegetables and an apple.
Lemuse looks at Homer.
Lemuse looks at Homer's apple.
Lemuse looks at her own tray, calculates how much of it she absolutely has to eat herself, and then adds a muffin.
Homer sees Lemuse eyeing his plate.
Lemuse cheerfully leads the way toward a free table.
Homer follows Lemuse to the table.
Homer sets down his tray.
Homer: Would you like some water, or some more tea?
Lemuse, who hadn't even gotten a chance to try the tea she'd received from Homer in his room, smiles.
Lemuse: Tea, please.
Lemuse: ~ apologetic ~
Homer goes to the drink station, where he fixes tea for Lemuse and himself. It is not "Dark Passion", unfortunately.
Lemuse starts in on her lump.
Homer gazes at Lemuse, zlinning her as much as is possible.
Lemuse is a Second with a good-sized nager, with excellent control and a friendly air.
Lemuse is also hungry and going after the lu... er... burrito with a vengeance.
Homer cautiously carries the two cups of tea back to the table.
Lemuse: Thank you! [smiles]
Homer can't help smiling back.
Homer sets down the two cups of tea.
Homer seats himself, gazing at Lemuse in fascination.
Lemuse: What?
Lemuse: Am I wearing my lunch?
Lemuse checks herself for the inevitable Gen slip-ups such as crumbs on face.
Homer: You are very beautiful.
Lemuse: Oh boy, don't get started. My head will get too big for my uniform hole.
Homer: The Controller said he sent for you. Did he tell you about me?
Lemuse: Pardon me?
Homer: Did he tell you what happened with my last... assignment?
Lemuse: Oh... yeah, sure. I have your file.
Lemuse: And he gave me the most exquisitely detailed set of instructions verbally as well.
Lemuse winks, implying she might not follow it all to the letter, as certain persons are perhaps more anal-retentive than anybody else can successfully emulate.
Homer: I am sure he did.
Homer scowls.
Homer: He said I made Sosu Leta unhappy.
Homer: I never meant to do such a thing.
Lemuse: Oh, I'm sure you didn't.
Lemuse: ~~ reassurance ~~
Homer: I don't want to make you unhappy either.
Lemuse: Well, that's a good state of mind for starting out then, isn't it? [smiles]
Homer: If you require something, you must tell me.
Lemuse: Of course.
Homer broods some more.
Lemuse of course rarely really wants anything she doesn't already get from doing her job, which is part of why she makes such a handy employee.
Homer: I would like to apologize to Sosu Leta, but I am not sure if she would want that.
Homer: Perhaps she would prefer not to see me again.
Lemuse: How about you wait a week or so, until you've learned some from Hajene Illis, before making up your mind? [gently]
Homer: If you think that would be best.
Lemuse: I'm sure Leta would appreciate an apology, but you'll want to really understand what happened before trying it.
Homer sighs.
Lemuse reaches out to pat his hand.
Lemuse: She's really a very nice person, I am sure everything will be patched up between the two of you soon. [smiles]
Homer: Of course she is a nice person. A kind person.
Lemuse: And I am sure she is disappointed that things didn't go well last month.
Lemuse: She'll want to make up, I'm sure of it.
Homer lets himself savor the flavor of Lemuse's supporting nager.
Lemuse: But in the meantime, you have a big schedule ahead of you!
Lemuse: Isn't it exciting?
Homer: The Controller said they would teach me the customs here.
Homer: I really need to know this if I am to live here.
Homer: I can't go on hurting people without knowing I am doing it.
Lemuse: Well, of course not. You aren't that kind of person.
Lemuse speaks firmly, as if she's known Homer all her life.
Homer: I can't go home, but I don't know if I can live here without angering the spirits.
Lemuse: Well, that's just something you've got to work out over time, right?
Lemuse: Keep your chin up. Everything's better if you go at it with a good attitude, that's what my aunt always used to tell me.
Homer: I guess.
Lemuse: ~ encouragement ~
Homer takes a bite of his apple.
Homer is buoyed up by the ~ encouragement ~
Homer thinks this feels really, really marvelous.
Homer absently lowers the half-gnawed apple to the table.
Notes:
1) Some time passes between these two scenes. [return]
2) Here is the text of Homer's report:
Controller Arat,You asked me to explain why I did not want transfer with Sosu Leta. Perhaps I was in such shock at the time, my words did not make sense. So I will try again, as you ask.
When we first met, you said you would not ask me to think any differently than I think; only to externally obey and be courteous.
I have followed your orders to the best of my ability. But how can I both tell you what I think and still be courteous? My thoughts are not polite. When I speak them truly, you become enraged. And now you ask me to tell all that I think and feel about Sosu Leta.
Remember that I speak at your command.
When Sosu Leta first came to me, I was amazed and delighted. Surely, I had done nothing to attract the attention of such a lovely Gen. I am a stranger here. But she kept returning, brightening my days. With the sick children, surrounded by so much pain, she gave me strength.
She walked with me in the city, showing me the places where the earth's heart beat most strongly and I could renew my connection to the Source of all Life. I was grateful.
Every day, she walked with me to the place of peace by the river, where ducks float and branches sway and flowers bloom. When she was with me, she was always joyous; when I was homesick or anxious, she comforted me. When I was sick with turnover, she healed my soul with her blessing.
Every day when she returned I was amazed at the honor she did me, but I came to believe she truly cared for me. You see, I thought she came to me by her own choice. And I came to hope for her Acceptance.
Life in Capitol is very different than Arizz where I grew up. Perhaps you do not care to hear about Arizz, because that is far away and now we are here. But I do not know how else to explain.
In Arizz, Donors pick their own transfer mates. Simes earn this privilege by pleasing the Donors. They Accept Simes who are worthy of life--able to heal, provide and protect. The Matriarch blesses the matches. She is Gen and Woman, so she shares richly in the life spirit of the Earth, and she is wise.
In Capitol, Sosu Leta cared for me like a true corn maiden. Even when I got ill and soiled her shoes, she forgave my weakness. So I brought her new shoes. I brought her many shoes. I did all I could to please her, care for her and protect her, as is proper.
She accepted my courting gifts, though sometimes her nager showed me that I had more to learn of the etiquette of Nivet. Still she did not turn away. And I let myself hope she would judge me worthy of trust and offer me the gift of her spirit.
But on our transfer day, Sosu Leta did not Accept me. She refused the transfer gift that would have blessed our union. She said our joining must be monitored. In Arizz, this is only done in First Year. But Leta said in Capitol I was counted as one newly changed over and not yet worthy of trust.
In Arizz, not every Sime is Accepted. These days the ones who are not seek channel's transfer from the Tecton. But in the old days they were cast out to die in the desert.
So I asked Leta, why offer me life, if you do not judge me worthy to receive it? And she said: "I give of myself every month so that Channels, like you, can help society." Her promise was not to me as one person to another, spirit to soul; her selyn was for any who served the Tecton. She would offer even to a madman or a criminal.
Then Sosu Leta said it was not up to her to decide who she would serve.
Now this is unholy, for a Gen to give to a Sime she does not choose, value or desire. This was the Raiders' way.
In the old days, some of the Simes exiled to the desert did not die. They stole Donors from the Canyon and herded them like sheep. These Unaccepted took Gen spirit gifts by force. The selyn was used to Raid and Kill. When the Tecton came to Arizz, these evil ones were destroyed.
Back in Sancrist, it is true I offended a Gen-- yes, I wooed her shamelessly, tracked her, begged and pleaded-- But even then, fool that I was, I never dared transfer with a Donor who didn't Accept me.
Yet here, in Tecton's Capitol, Sosu Leta offered herself to me without volition, as if she were a Raider's prize. To take her so would be an offense worse than the one for which I was arrested and exiled.
And I felt ashamed and betrayed. The promise in Sosu Leta's field had blinded me. When I thought she cared about me for myself she was just performing a duty for a stranger. When I believed she trusted me, she judged me as incompetent as a changeover victim. When I believed she honored me, she offered only selyn without spirit.
Knowing of the lie, I could zlin the doubt and discomfort behind her promise. I cursed myself for a fool, dazed by a Gen's beauty but unworthy of her favor. Need and loneliness had brought me to the brink of sacrilege. She left me, and I did not seek to follow, but gathered my strength to act correctly despite Need.
Then Sosu Leta returned with you, Controller. And you asked why I was not ready to take selyn. I answered quite plainly that it was Sosu Leta's choice to Accept me or not. And if she did not, to take her selyn would be wrong.
You said you zlinned no lack of acceptance in her. True, her nager called to me with such temptation I had to struggle to stay sane. But I could zlin the lie behind that beckoning. I am a grown man, not a changeover victim, and I will not be lured into evil by a shiny nager.
For a moment I feared that you would order me to take her anyway. But you said you would not force her to serve a channel who loathed her. Say rather, a channel who is unworthy of her. Of course I do not loathe her; she is radiant.
I waited for Leta to say that she, of her own will, chose to share her spirit with me, Homer. One true word, and I would have engulfed her like a whirlwind. She did not speak it, and I could zlin her relief when she left.
You asked why I rejected Sosu Leta. I repeat what I said then, I did not in any way reject her. She rejected me. What I reject is forced transfer; such deeds offend the Earth spirit. I already have enough to atone for.
Surely I misunderstood much of what followed. You said Sosu Leta could not choose, because you chose her, and you chose me, for each other. You said that, as Controller, the choice for all was yours to make.
I know ways are different here. Can a Controller force Gens to serve against their will? Is that why Sosu Leta said it was not up to her to judge her transfer mate? Do you, a Sime, command Gens to transfer without Acceptance or Blessing?
Such arrogance recalls a Raiderchief awarding captives to his braves. I thought the Tecton hated the Sky Clan and all it stood for.
Surely I misunderstand. I do not wish to offend. In Arizz, Controller Pierce would never assign a Channel and Donor who were not Blessed.
I continue to learn your ways as best I can. I would have taken transfer with Sosu Leta had you ordered it. Instead, you served me yourself, an act of honor and compassion. I thank you for that.
I hope the explanation here is detailed enough to meet your requirements.
--Homer Hawke [return]